Whatever...

I'm not gonna finish my Forks bloggings. Lol. Mostly because I'm lazy.

But...here's an update on IB-ness: CAS stuff has been turned in, though I still have a couple forms to turn in to my coordinator by next week. I talked to her, and even though everything was due, like, two months ago, she's fine with it. She's behind on the paperwork anyway, so it's not like it matters. XD

My IB art exam is done! Yay! No more art stuff! It went really well, too. The examiner really liked my photography- she kept on complimenting the angles, the lighting, the composition, everything. She said, "I have a feeling that with you, you just point, click, and the pictures just turn out amazing. Is that right?" Sheepishly I replied, "Yeah, kinda." HA! I wonder if points would get taken off because of that...probably not. Though she didn't ask me about all of my projects, and I did wonder about that, but my art teacher said not to worry about that. She listened to the whole thing and she said that I did a great job. That made me feel a bit better.

So that's two IB exams down, four to go. I have English, Biology, Spanish, and History left, as well as an AP Psychology test on May 12th, but I'm not too worried about that one. I have an A in the class (right now) and Psychology is sort of my thing, so with some studying I should get a pretty good score on my exam. I'm very worried about Spanish, History and Biology, though. I'm studying with some friends for the Bio test and attending Spanish and History review sessions, but I feel like it's not enough. I need to do more studying! Grr. I hate History and Spanish so much though...they're both so boring and confusing at the same time, and I can never remember anything in either of the classes. It's a wonder that I have a B in History. I'm not too surprised that I have a C in Spanish, though. It's those homeworks that I keep on losing. I need to get more organized. I think that if I study enough for Bio, I should be okay. I don't mind that class, now that I have a competant teacher, even if I am getting a C. It's a high C, though, and I'm fairly confident that I can bring it up to a B in a short amount of time. Especially since now we're entering the behavioral part of the curriculum, and that's when stuff blends over into Psychology. Excellent. ^_^

The year is coming to a close. I've been accepted to the one university that I applied to (which made me extremely happy), and graduation is a little more than a month away. My IB days are numbered.


-M.

Victoria and Forks Part 2

Okay, I know that I should continue with this even though nobody's reading, so here goes. (Bear with me, 'cause it's been a couple months and I may forget stuff.)

The next morning we drove down to the docks to get on our first ferry boat of the day (we were to take two). Even though there were signs EVERYWHERE for the docks, we just could not find the entrance to the ferry boat! It was insanity!
We eventually found our way through treacherous Seattle and arrived at the dock with plenty of time to spare.

Now, it would make sense, wouldn't it, to have a ferry that goes directly from Seattle to Victoria, right? But of course they had no such boat. So we had to take a ferry to the upper regions of Washington, drive for two hours, arrive in Port Angeles, and get on another boat to go to Victoria! So much driving and traveling in one day. As you can probably guess, we were exhausted. My friend and I slept most of the way there.

We were both excited to see the famous mountains of Washington! Truthfully, it was one of the main reasons we went up there. However, again, we couldn't see them through the thick layer of clouds hanging low over our heads. How dissappointing...

Once we got to Port Angeles, though, we could see the mountains! And they were truly glorious!

But of course the first time we see the mountains was the day we were leaving Washington to visit Victoria.

Victoria is a truly beautiful city. Even the office buildings have grace! Any normal day in Victoria would be awesome, but the day we arrived in Victoria was Canada Day, and everybody was celebrating.
I have lived near D.C. all my life, and I have to say, I have never seen such celebration on a national holiday. EVERYBODY had some sort of Canadian flag on them, and it was out of place to see a house without the red and white. That night the Paliament building was lit up, a stage was set up for a rap star to preform (I kid you not), and the air was positively electric.

Earlier that day, we visited the docks where two certain sea creatures lived and entertained...

They were so cute. ^_^

That's all for today (sorry it isn't much, but I'm kinda sick and can't remember anything).

-M.

Seriously, People.

Okay, so. I read Breaking Dawn, the fourth and (possibly) last book in the Twilight series. While reading it, I noticed that it was a bit different than the others, but I realized that not only have the characters completely changed throughout the book, but that after a couple years, a writer's writing style tends to change, if ever so slightly. It was different, but it was good. Hell, it was better than good, it was EXCELLENT. I'm not just saying that because I'm a Twi-hard, or anything, I'm saying that because Breaking Dawn brought up subjects that we had not thought of before, and dived head-first into them. They may have been subjects that we weren't entirely comfortable with, but Stephenie Meyer did it with such finesse that anyone reading it would have been bewitched with just the words alone.

Which is why this morning, when I logged onto a certain chatroom, I was shocked and dissappointed to find that 75% of the people I talked to hated the book! I was disgusted! Many people were saying that the Twilight saga was killed after Breaking Dawn. They were telling their friends to stop reading after Eclipse.

I'm just...there are no words for how sad I feel. I feel let down by my fellow Twilighters. No, in fact, I don't really consider those people Twilighters anymore. I'm dissappointed in those people.

-M.

Victoria and Forks, pt.1

Okay, so, I said I would post about my trip to Forks, and so I'm doing that now.

On the plane going to Seattle, it was devil-child central. Both on the first plane and the plane connecting from Kansas city to Seattle. I counted no less than four screaming children located on each plane. Six. Freaking. Hours of that crap. Thank God for mp3 players, right? I'm sure Breonna was having a blast. (She's a friend of mine who went with me.)

Well, by the time we got to Seattle, we were exhausted. We just wanted to see the mountains, get to our hotel quickly, and go to sleep. But of course it wouldn't work that way, would it? When we were driving from the airport to the hotel, we were searching the horizons for those beautiful Olympic mountains. No such luck. There was a solid wall of clouds and smog that obstructed the view of the spectacular mountains. I was really dissapointed because I wanted Breonna to see the mountains. But we would see them later, so no worries.

When we were finally in the city, we had trouble finding our hotel. The GPS was acting up, of course. The one time you rely on it, it malfunctions. It took us down roads that led in the opposite direction of the hotel, led us to empty warehouses, and told us to go down roads that didn't exist. Eventually, we made it to the hotel and once we were there it was fine. As soon as we pulled up, the concierge opened our doors for us, took our bags up to our room for us, and parked the car for us. (They even checked in for us!) It was awesome. I felt like an important person. Like a diplomat, or a powerful mob boss or something.

We had finally gotten to our room, and we immediately hopped into the comfortable beds to sleep, for we had to get up early the next morning. Breonna and my mother fell asleep immediately, but because there's obviously something wrong with me, I could not fall asleep. I lay awake for hours, until finally I was so tired that my mind just shut down. Of course, in the morning, I was dead tired.

More of my trip in a bit. I still have to hunt down my pictures. ;-P

-M.

CAS madness

AH! I desperately need to fill out CAS forms for this summer! I only have, like, 9 hours, which means I need 141 more hours! (seems excessive, doesn't it?) *sigh* I don't have much more to say...sorry.

-M.

Musings

So, I was watching Scrubs, and it's the episode where Turk has a woman attending, and when he defends her from Todd's sexist jokes, she accuses Turk of being sexist, because she doesn't need someone to defend her.

That is complete crap.

While it's true that women are able to defend themselves without men's help, it's still nice when men come to our "rescue." It's reminiscent of a more gentlemanly time, and I happen to like the chivalry. Some women may accuse me of being naive, but it's just the way I view things. I like to keep a fairy tale perspective on life. ^_^

Enchantedly yours,
-M.

Swamped

Unfortunately, this week seems to be project/due date week. Which really especially sucks, since this is the week of my birthday. I'm going to have SO MUCH homework on my birthday! DX Gah. This sucks. Well, that's the life of IB, I guess. This week, I have a lot of english crap due, as well as I have to work on my world lit 1 draft. Then there's the matter of my TOK internal assessment, which is due on friday, and my bio DNA Chimera lab, which is also due on friday. Yup, the 15th is gonna be busy.

At least I have college to look forward to, right? I think it's gonna be much easier than the Ib program. Well, the undergrad part will be. I'm not so sure about the grad school part. But the university I want to go to considers a 73% a B. Hahaha! At my high school, a 73% is a low C! I can't wait to go to university...

Your humble blogger,
M.

Odes to Edward

A Haiku and a free-form poem, dedicated to the book Twilight's hero, Edward Cullen:

Light enhances dark
His bright smile is my way home
The dark won't get me.


A starless night
Has never been so black
Without you.
A golden gaze
Was never more missed
Than when you left.
Yet you came back
against all odds
And my heart is stitched together.
My fingers have once again found your face
And I revel in the sound of your voice.
My night will never again be starless.


Dazzledly yours,
M.

Relief! At last!

I am done with the IB Math Studies exam! Wooooooooo! *victory dance* I took my Paper 2 today, and I am so glad it's over! A huge amount of stress has dissipated, but the pressure is not entirely gone (and it never will be). Studying for the test, I think, was effective, and I'm glad I did so. I didn't study for my AP Euro history test last year, and I got a 2. *shakes head* That was extremely stupid of me.

Anyways, with the IB program, it's always out from the fireplace and into the oven. (I think that's a frequently used expression...right? Or did I just make that up? I dunno.) I now get to face:

1 play that's due for creative writing
1 essay that's due for english
1 outline for my World Lit 1 paper in english
1 Chimera DNA project for Bio.

Fun stuff, right? And I do believe that all of this is due within the next week! Fun, fun stuff. The worst part is that it's my birthday next week (Thursday, the 15th, mark it on your calenders! I'm expecting gifts!) and 3/4 of the stuff that's due next week is due on my birthday. Sucks, doesn't it?

I'm starting to feel the old (and definitely not welcome) feelings of a panic attack again. I'm calm for now, but I feel it creeping up on me...
I just hope it ends before final exams. I can't deal with a breakdown and study at the same time. It's inefficient.

*Bows*
-M.

AHHH!

Now, I am not normally one to become so excited over a movie trailer that I jump up and down and start screaming. However, this was before I saw the 'Twilight' teaser trailer. There is only one acronym that can sufficiently express my feelings right now:

OMG!

I really truly madly deeply loved this trailer, and I can't wait for more! However, and I may just be nit-picky, but I'm somewhat disturbed by the lack of golden eyes on Edward and Emmet...

But whatever.

Excitedly yours,
M.

Petition

So I signed a completely awesome e-petition. It's to get Stephenie Meyer, Catherine Hardwick, and other cast people of the Twilight movie to go on Oprah! (Because if they can get on Oprah, they can rule the world.) Go here to sign it; it really is for a good cause! (If you don't, leprechauns are gonna f*ck you up at midnight.)

Preparing for the Math exam

Today I actually studied. I'm so proud of myself. I've come up with a system: I copy problems out of my book, about nine of them, time myself for 90 minutes, and take my little simulated test. Then, because the answers are in the back of the book, I check my work! I'm proud of myself: I've been getting most of the questions right. There are things I need to study a bit more, but still! I think this is the most I've ever prepared for a test. Sad, isn't it? I have no idea how the hell I have A's and B's (I've recently raised my grade in Bio from a C to a B, even though I pretty much flunked the last quiz. How I raised my grade, I'll never know). My math exam is on wednesday and thursday. Paper 1 is wednesday, Paper 2 is thursday. For both days, I'm excused from school, even though both of them are only 90 minutes long. Ha! And I've worked out a system: If I get a 3, or even a 2 on this exam, I'll just make up the points with my other exams! I'll make sure to get a 7 on my english exam! (English is by far my best subject.) See? It all works out.

I'm so glad; this summer I'm going to Forks! It's gonna be super awesome. I went last year, and it was so beautiful that my mom said that I can bring a friend this year!

It's so beautiful up there. The mountains are perpetually covered in clouds, and there are trees EVERYWHERE! You know how in Twilight, Bella says something along the lines of "everything that's supposed to be brown...it's all covered in green squishy stuff here." Yeah, it's true. Absolutely everything is, in fact, covered in green squishy stuff. Here's some pictures from last year's trip:

When I go there this summer, I'm definitely putting up more pictures.

So I saw a picture of the place they were using for the Forks High School in the movie, and I'm really happy with it. In fact, all of the places I've seen from that movie look a hell of a lot like the actual Forks. I'm glad that this movie has fallen into such capable hands.

Signing out,
M.

Just Another Crappy Monday

So...yeah. I'm pretty sure the title explains it. It was a pretty crappy day, even for a monday. First period was biology, so that means that today would have crappy anyway, BUT I got a lab back and I got a 26 out of 46 on it. I am complete crap at labs, I don't know what it is. Maybe it's the teacher...maybe Biology's just not my thing. I dunno. At this point, my biggest concern is getting into the University of Waterloo, and the IB diploma comes second to that. Don't get me wrong, I really do want to recieve the diploma, but if I don't, it won't be the end of the world. However, if I don't get into Waterloo, then my plan for my life is completely thrown off, and all of my hard work will go down the drain. Of course I'll have backup schools, like University of Michigan, Virginia, and Oregan, but Waterloo's my main choice.

School always wears me out. I was going to take a nap after I got home from school today, but I normally can't fall asleep after 3, and it's now 3: 27. It's funny, as I was writing that, I just got rreeaallyy sleepy. Ha.

Anyways, I'm about to go take a nap. Hahaha.

Until next time,
M.

Drowning in Biology

IB Biology is quite possibly one of the hardest science classes I have had to take. Last year, I thought that Chemistry was difficult, and it was, in its own right, but this year, Biology's a bitch. Don't get me wrong, some of it is extraordinarily interesting, but my teacher is not the best in the world. She's a nice enough person, but she doesn't explain things well, and when we ask her to elaborate, she uses the phrase all of us IB kids have come to loathe: "You're independant learners, you figure it out." I swear to God, that phrase makes me want to stab something. Yes, we are independant learners, but we also need the teachers; that's what they're there for! To teach us stuff we don't understand! It gets really frustrating sometimes...

What I think is the most frustrating is that every night I'm up till 12:30am working on homework. I average about 5 hours of homework a night. How screwed up is that? I'm a teenager in high school, I'm supposed to be enjoying the best years of my life! Instead I'm working on homework until my eyes pop out.

Your faithful,
M.

Taking a break from all this IB crap.

So I've decided not to do any homework today, and so right now I have nothing to report from the land of IB. Instead I'll talk about something very dear to me:

Twilight.

Now, Twilight-mania has swept the world, affecting girls and boys alike, of all different ages. (My mother loves the series, and I've finally gotten my father to read Twilight.) I don't mean to bash the people who just started reading the series within the past year, BUT I started reading Twilight when it first came out. So there.

Seriously, though, I think it's wonderful that the Twilight series has taken off so well. I'm even more ecstatic that the movie's coming out. I always check the Twilight Lexicon's blog for news on the movie and anything related to Stephenie Meyer. That website is my link to anything Twilight. It is simply amazing. I love it.

Another Twilight website I like to go to is TwilightGuy.com. It's this one guy's blog who's reading Twilight, and he gives us a blow-by-blow of what his impressions are. It's really interesting, to see a guy's perspective of Twilight.

That's all for now. I can't really think of anything else to say... If I do, I'll make sure to post it, even though I'm pretty sure nobody's reading this.

As always,
M.

April 25th

Okay, so, I seem to want to make this an almost-daily blog report thing.

In two weeks, I will be taking the Math Studies IB exam; just a taste of what's to come, I suppose. I'm not extraordinarily nervous, as everyone (including my mother) tells me I should be. I mean, I know what I need to study, I'll be meeting with my teacher next week about something I'm confused about, and I just got a huge load of review packets in class today. True, I haven't been studying as often as I know I should be, but this week I definitely WILL study. My original plan was to start studying a month beforehand, but we all know that that plan was doomed to fail. This weekend, not tomorrow, 'cause I'm going to a festival, but on Sunday, I will begin my math studying. I think I'll start with financial whatnot, because THEY DELETE THE TVM SOLVER FROM YOUR CALCULATOR! (Which, obviously, I think is bullshit, but whatever.) So I'll pretty much be by myself with the whole financial crap. That stuff I need to study especially, too, because I did pretty poorly with it during the year. Then I'll go to the p if q stuff and venn diagrams, which aren't too hard. After that, I'm not sure. I kept all of my papers from last semester, though, so I'll look over those to form a plan of action.

Enough about math, though. As everyone in IB 11 and 12 knows, we have to write an extended essay over the summer between 11 and 12 grade! Yay! I actually am excited because my topic is how fighting in ice hockey is an effective tool for team-building purposes. I love hockey. I think I was supposed to be Canadian, but God changed his mind at the last moment. ANYWAY, this will be interesting for many reasons, but mostly because I get to interview the hockey players themselves. (Especially Steve Eminger!) It'll be interesting to dive headfirst into the minds of hockey players. This will be fun.

For us IB kids, we have to choose one of four electives. One is art, the second is music, the third is ITGS, and the fourth is a second year of chemistry (ew). I've chosen art, and I'm extremely glad about it. The IB art program is the best art program I've been in; we get all the cool supplies. We get the real watercolors, not the ones in the yellow plastic trays. We get acrylic paints, not that tempra crap. We're also allowed a lot of freedom within the classroom. Because our teacher trusts us, almost every period is a "do what you have to do" period. We're working on paintings right now, and we're allowed full access to the room and all of its supplies. It's wonderful to be an IB Art student. Next year, we'll begin our "journey." What I was thinking of doing was beginning an exploration of spirituality in various cultures around the world. From there, I'll look at the different myths that these cultures have to offer. From there, I can link that to the whole "vampires and werewolves" myth, and, of course, tie that to Twilight. For those of you who have not read the Twilight books, even if you are a guy, I highly suggest it. These are the best books I have read, and I've read a lot of books. Twilight is actually the reason I started to get into writing, because I want to be as good a writer as Stephenie Meyer. But enough babbling!

I know whoever is reading this has had to suffer long and hard, and I thank you for your patience. I'll try to make future posts more interesting.

Yours,
M.

We never wanted it to be this way

Hey to all of those who don't read this! I've just realized that I have not posted in this blog for over a year. Why do I even keep it? Well, my hope is that someday I'll be famous, and then people will actually want to know what I think. That would be pretty freakin' awesome. But, for now, I'm just this weird teenage girl who talks to empty cyberspace. I'm actually glad I have this blog, 'cause I can pretty much comment on whatever the hell I want. Except for my school, 'cause then they'll probably find this and then expell me for something or other. Like saying it's an unorganized hell-hole where the administration has no idea what the hell they're doing. Oops, did I actually say that? Anyway, my school is both a curse and a blessing. It's a curse because of the rigorous work they put us through...or, at least, that's what they're having us IB kids doing. (Though, I'm proud to say, I've only had one breakdown this year. Yay! Go me.) It's a blessing because I have some of the best friends of my life here, and I'm glad that there are other people who are as geeky as me. ^_^

Peace out,
M.

So, I emailed my personal story to a website called My Living Romance. Here's the url : http://www.mylivingromance.urli.net/

Anyway, just thought I'd show you all what I wrote, in case they don't post it on their site. Here it is:


I feel a little weird submitting my story. Some of the other people who have posted on this website...I mean, wow. They have all gone through such crap, and here I am, submitting a story that isn't half as sad or important. But everybody has a story, and everybody's story has to be told. So here's mine. I was originally a happy kid. My parents were and still are the best parents I could possibly have. Before middle school, my life was, for lack of a better phrase; totally freakin' awesome. Good friends, good parents, good life. Then middle school came and everything went straight to hell. Well, maybe not straight to hell, as I made three of the best friends of my life in that school, but it was certainly hellish. Every day for four consecutive years, me and my friends got picked on. We were picked on because we "read too much," because we liked anime. We all have retained some psychological damaging from that place. Two of us are currently in therapy for it. Two months after I graduated eighth grade, my mother was reading a Rolling Stone magazine. She saw an article about MCR in there, and she said, "Hey Meghan, these guys like Teen Titans, too." I could hardly believe it. A punk rock band as geeky as me? Surely it couldn't be possible! Well, I looked them up on the internet and saw their music video, 'I'm Not Okay (I Promise).' As soon as I saw this video, I fell in love with them. Not because the lead singer was extremely good-looking (actually, at the time, I didn't think he was all that attractive), but because they actually understood what it was like to be picked on. They knew what my friends and I had endured. They freaking understood! And their music! Their music was completely different from what I had ever heard before. I knew right then that these people would mean so much more to me than almost anything else.
Well, ninth grade came. New school, new people. Unfortunately, because of middle school, I had developed a severe social anxiety that has still not gone away. I was petrified. There were and are three thousand kids in my school. While it is torture to walk the halls everyday, it's still better than middle school. So, I had made friends. I had met new people, and they all seemed nice. Though while everything was going great, what my friends didn't know was that just about everyday I was having panic attacks. They came from stress about grades, social stress, and, oh yeah, my mother having cancer. A few months away from the end of ninth grade, I had a quiet mental breakdown. I tried to keep from anyone noticing, but people noticed. They didn't think anything was wrong, they just thought I had turned into a jerk. I became more irratable, more likely to yell and scream and insult. While I was mean on the outside, I was broken on the inside. A couple weeks went by, and my mental breakdown was going strong. My grades began to slip ever so slightly, but my mom attributed it to the end of school laziness. I began to think more and more of ending my life. I wasn't going to do anything. I knew I wasn't going to do anything, and that sickened me, that I would be that cowardly and scared. The only comfort I had was My Chemical Romance. I played I'm Not Okay over and over again until I was singing it in my sleep. I reasoned with myself that if I died, I wouldn't be able to listen to MCR anymore. A pathetic argument, I know, but it's one that kept me alive. I stayed alive for MCR, and I am forever in their debt.
I am still depressed enough to want everything to end about once every two months, but MCR helps me pull through. I still get major social anxiety; I am terrified of people. But whenever I get scared in a crowded place, I sing Teenagers and I feel a little bit better. As I've said at the beginning, I'm not sure why I'm putting this story up. It's not real important, but I guess I just wanted people to hear my story. It's not intense, like some of these other stories, but it's mine.
Frankly, the media should be ashamed of themselves. If they want to write about a band, they should get to know the whole story before they make ignorant assumptions. MCR has saved so many lives. People who save lives are not ones who advocate death. As long as there is breath in my body, I will stand up for the band that saved my life.

Long Time, No See

Hello.

What I think is extremely interesting and ironic, is that I'm depressed, yet I want to be a psychologist. My therapist said that this was not ironic, that asking a psychologist to not get depressed is like asking a doctor to not get sick. I'm not so sure. I mean, my being depressed will certainly help me understand my patients better, but nobody wants a depressed therapist! I wouldn't try and make them depressed, or anything, but possible patients might think that. Argh, it's rather frustrating.

One thing that helps with my depression (other than My Chemical Romance) is writing. This is good, I suppose, because I'm going to be a writer, as well as a psychologist. I have so many ideas in my head that are so many potential stories. Right now, I'm writing six stories at once! And there's still more coming...

As I stated before, My Chemical Romance helps a lot with my depression. Some people may find this ironic, because MCR is typically seen as an "emo" band. This is completely untrue. They are not emo, they are punk, or alternative rock. They actually hate emo bands and people. It's pretty funny, actually. But, they do sing about death, dying, and killing people a lot. So it would seem. Everything they sing about, all of their songs, are metaphors. That's one of the things I like the most about them- it's very fun (for me) to try and unravel the mysteries that are their songs. MCR also helps me in my depression in that they understand. The lead singer and the bassist themselves are clinically depressed, and so they know what I'm going through. It helps to know that there are five other guys in this world who are just as messed up as me. It helps more than you think.

the new my chemical romance cd came out two days ago! i was one of those geeks that pre-ordered it and got the soecial addition thing. let me tell ya, that cd is the shiznit foshizzle, yo. it rocks, literally. my favorite song is called teenagers, it goes:

they're gonna clean up your looks
with all the lies in the books
to make a citizen out of you.
because they sleep with a gun
and keep an eye on you, son
so they can watch all the things you do
because the drugs never work
they're gonna give you a smirk
'cause thery got methods of keepin' you clean
they're gonna rip off you head,
your aspirations to shreds
another cog in the murder machine

they said all
teenagers scare the living shit outta me
they could care less
as long as someone'll bleed
so darken your clothes or strike a violent pose
maybe they'll leave you alone, but not me

the boys and girls in the clique
the aweful names that they stick
you're never gonna fit in, much, kid
but if you're troubled and hurt
what you got under your shirt
will make them pay for the things that they did.

[chorus]